Okay, I know the title is a bit sensationalistic but I will quickly show how this all comes together. I saw a CNN article about “How the human penis lost its spikes.” Well I just had to read the article; I mean who can resist reading about the evolution of spiky penises, right? That doesn’t sound right, after all I am straight, really! Let’s face it, it’s difficult to talk seriously about man’s second favorite organ (sorry, the brain is numero uno in my book) while keeping a straight face.

The article in question is about a Sanford University study of human and chimpanzee genome. We share 97% of the same genes yet that 3% difference results in some astonishing differences. Why? Well one gene they discovered actually controls, that is turns on and off the appearance of these kinky spikes. Chimpanzees have the gene and have spiky penises; humans lack the gene and thank god we don’t.

Did I mention god? What’s the reason for two related primates having totally different penises? Well, the hooks in the article could be useful for removing a previous sexual partner’s sperm. Chimps go into heat and they kind of have a free for all. Cats also have a similarly adorned spiky penis and some biologist believe the spikes help to stimulate ovulation in the female. Could the same apply to chimps?

Who knows but the bigger question is so why did human’s lose their spiky penis. One answer maybe the somewhat monogamous nature of humans; that is we do tend to settle for a single partner excluding, of course, the denizens of the Jersey Shore. Sex is an important social lubricant in the pair bond, optimally we like to do it a lot and it’s pleasurable for both men and women, barring certain fundamentalist cults. Spiky penises have a certain edge to them in terms of pleasure, if you’re a woman its probably not going to be something you’re into. Also, women don’t go into heat like other primates, at least none of the ones I know af so using the spikes to stimulate ovulation is unnecessary. Again we must exclude the cast of the Jersey Shore, I don’t what the hell is in the water they drink.

So are these the ultimate answers for this prurient bit of human evolution? Not necessarily but these are reasonable evolutionary theories until something better comes along. Unless you’re a fundamentalist creationist nut, then this whole conversation is blasphemous. I read the article and I then went to the comments from the public which including some juvenile humor regarding being ribbed and one lone solitary rant from a creationist freak. It went like this:

“It’s hard to measure the enormous damage inflicted by Darwinian evolution, the teaching that life arose from a spontaneous spark in a pond of primordial ooze. The amazing thing is that influential scientists themselves are now denying Darwin’s theory as impossible. Yet its destructive effects remain.

For instance, if man is an accident of nature, then there is no fixed standard of right and wrong. So what the Bible calls sexual perversion is now a “lifestyle.” And a human life can be readily destroyed, whether in the womb or partially delivered.

Worst of all, evolution has helped destroy belief in God for millions. Denying biblical creation, evolutionists have “changed the truth of God into a lie” (Romans 1:25)”

It’ the usual line of crap from creationists that man is so perfect god had to create man, Darwin and evolution are all part of some great liberal humanist conspiracy (think tea baggers), scientists don’t believe in evolution anymore (well were not talking about the credible ones obviously) and yak, yak, yak.

Now why am I sensitive to these rants of these intellectual midgets? Because they annoying, they love to harass my Flores Girl Novel and often leave me totally unintelligible comments. Here’s the one from Amazon about my Flores Girl: The Children God Forgot: “GOD dose (sic) not forget any of his kids so too me it is just lame and u can tell the person who made this book.” You can almost smell the crayon sharpening in the background. So while scientists play god with with Dino Chickens and spiky penis genes the creationists continue their denial fest and remind everyone that god did it.

Many Darwinians say we should not argue with such morons and its true you can’t win a debate with this crowd. It’s almost as if we are talking two different languages; ones a conversation about scientific fact versus the creationist’s argument that god did it and are you one of us by the way? I say the opposite, I know we can’t win a debate with these intellectual conscientious objectors but you can win the hearts and minds of those listening into the conversation! I also want the idiot Republican politicians that pander to these fundamentalist nitwits to know there will be cost at the voting booth!

Wait for it, wait for it, here’s the plug for my novel:

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